I don’t read enough…

Posted in Uncategorized by collinevan on February 18, 2009

So says Google Reader.

Google is reprimanding me

Google is reprimanding me


+++where i am

Posted in Business, Creativity, mormonism by collinevan on February 2, 2009

Ever wonder if your self concept is accurate enough to lead you to an ideally practical future?

It seems wholly logical to assume that all people are well endowed with enough common sense to make solid decisions. That is, of course, if they aren’t in denial or lying to themselves.

Of course, I speak introspectively. I can’t help but assume i’m not alone in that.

I believe that all people are blessed with an intuition that is unique. I believe that no vision is less good or important than another. Most never get realized, as people are afraid to attack them. But that’s not the only problem. I think most visions that fall apart are because individuals aren’t persistent enough to follow them to their success.

Let me get religious. I’m LDS… I believe in the Book of Mormon. I believe, by all accounts, that Joseph Smith saw God and His Son, Jesus Christ. I believe that he translated the ancient scripture of the Americas. I believe in the Book of Mormon, therefore I believe in Joseph Smith.

Now, in so many points, Joseph’s vision brought him more than enough reason to give up on his work. I’d dare say he struggled for the better part of his life just to get people to respect him, trust him, and follow him. His ideals led him down to abuse. They even led him down to death.

Were they good? Yes. Was he successful. Yes. Has he been instrumental in bringing millions of people truth, confidence, trust in God, faith in progression, and eternal understanding? I think he has.

Mormons are happy people. They serve, stay close, love each other, build goodness, and work hard. All things that can be hard to see these days. He did a great work. I think anyone would have given in and said that it wasn’t a good idea and the work wasn’t going to make it. Never have so many people been so wrong.


Posted in Uncategorized by collinevan on January 2, 2009

I’ve been in and out of consciousness today. Sickness hit me like a bag of bricks.. when people manage to get hit by bags of bricks. It’s hard to keep in the creative zone when you feel awful, and that’s just where I was at. 

Wanna know just how misplaced I’ve been today? These are the tabs I have open on my browser. 

Gmail — SeeqPod — BOOOOOOOM! — Google Docs — WordPress — — This American Life

Gmail is for chatting mostly… although I’ve been invisible because I’m not in the mood for getting into conversations I don’t have control over starting.

SeeqPod because I have a playlist of good songs that make me feel creative, and that’s the closest feeling next to true love that I have right now. 

BOOOOOOOM! because I’m trying to decide if I even like the site. Landed on it through an image on 






Google Docs because I planned on working on my marketing materials, but blew time on other stuff as I was hardly focused today. Keeping it open makes me feel good when I switch to that tab when people walk in. 

GOG because I wanted to download an old PC game. I like the old ones. That site sells them for super cheap and it makes me feel like I’m 11.

This American Life because no other bit of media better portrays human nature, and I love people.

++anything to make a buck

Posted in Uncategorized by collinevan on December 29, 2008

Let me be first to say that I scarcely would doubt the brilliance of human creativity. 

Self-made author Herman Rosenblat tells a story of falling in love with an “angel at the fence” during his years as a teenage prisoner in a German concentration camp. Since his story has recieved publish status, Holocaust scholars have come out with fingers wagging over the implausability of his story. The verdict is still out, but it may just be that someone is leveraging the greatest tragedy in human history to tell a fake love tale and sell it as his own. 

You can do anything to achieve the American dream… well anything except discredit the populous intellegence. Sad day for Mr. Rosenblat if this come to light. 

Apparently, this would just be another of a series of fraudulent love memoirs to be published over the last few years. I’m mildly impressed at the creativity, but am quickly disappointed at halfway planned love delusions passing as million dollar deals in one of the most intellegent and literary societies in the world. Huuuge sigh…

Squatting, but not really

Posted in Of no import by collinevan on August 19, 2008

Beggars can’t be choosers, right?

BYU has a killer housing policy that leaves a good amount of students without a place for a week of the year. Homeless everywhere, students squat with family, friends, or anyone else willing to let them haul boxes and luggage into their peaceful homes.

Normally, if you’re lucky and get a good place, you don’t complain. This year, I landed a sweet hookup a friend’s new basement apartment living below their buddy and his wife. Couldn’t be better right? Friends is better than family in this case, since it’s always worse to inconvenience people with children.

I didn’t quite know what to expect but it ended up being a crappy deal. Forget that I’m far away from anything, no car, no bathroom door for privacy, the place is unfinished and their’s paint dust that leaves my chest hurting, no bed, no food, no internet (which is an issue since all my work is online and I work from the computer at my place) and various other awkwarnesses.

The real kicker is that they prorated the rent on me and i’m paying 70 bucks to live here. Yeah, it’s pretty lame. That means that the rent normally would cost me 280 to live super far away and without basic stuff that should be included in an apartment of this quality.

I mean, if we’re going to make it a money issue, shouldn’t we lower the rent because it’s still summer? Rent for most places at BYU during the summer ends up being about half. And let’s not forget the distance factor, which lowers rent. Also take into account the lack of necessities. This place, in all logic, should cost about 100 bucks/mo. So, maybe I should be paying 25$ for the roof over my head for a week.

Yeah, I’m complaining, which is pretty sad and I shouldn’t do. But, at least have some equal logic, no?

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The Trouble With Being A Creative Perfectionist (and Other Self Inflicted Diseases): A Journal – Entry One

Posted in Creativity, Journal by collinevan on May 4, 2008

Starting What You Can’t Finish.

Even yet this entry is exactly what I mean. I have enough disconnected thoughts in my head that somehow make me think they belong together… I would likely spend a good hour or so making them link up and convincing my logical half that it was worth the time.

What’s likely to happen is that I’ll get 20 minutes into it and then have creative inspirations that seem worthy enough to jot down. Jotting turns to writing, writing to pontification, and ultimately culminating in a loss of task so clean cut, I may as well have changed my ideas and perspectives on previous creative matters.

My imagination stands face to face with me in an all out war sometimes. It’s like he stops in front of me, shows me the weapons he’s going to use against me with a smile on his face, and kindly… patiently waits for me to prepare my misplaced ideas and thoughts to defend against his onslaught.

I rarely win though…

I often freely yield to my imagination. Then I get convinced that our collaboration is simply so good that I don’t know why I was even warring in the first place.

Then the war becomes more like a 7th grade drama. Then I go to all my friends and gossip about what happened so I can get fuel to justify my positioning. My friends, Logic, Reason, Financial Obligation, and Social Pressure all ring in and shove their very staunch and unwavering opinions on me.

Ultimately, it’s futile because Imagination is just too clever. He charms me. So, it’s a never ending record. I understand my reasonable sides and try to fight my imagination. He’s so full of variable ideas and ways to see the world, I feel like it’s a bunch of pretty flashing lights I can’t stay away from.

It’s no wonder I have a hard time finishing things.

I’m not going to edit this… I have other things I want to work on.

A Sea of Particles and Articles

Posted in Life by collinevan on April 22, 2008

When Shakespeare penned one of his plays, did he wonder if his words would ever get lost? It is an endless context that literature is supported by, mostly because words are the most primal, yet sophisticated form of expression humankind has ever used. Images bring to mind thoughts and ideas. Sounds remind us of something that ultimately is put into words. Then, words are inserted again into music to justify the relative emotions with thought.

Communication is our most sincere natural addiction. The need for information is only superseded by the curiosity that ignites it. Indulgence in prose, poetry, fact, fiction, and everything that rests in between is one of the few life journeys that can always be embarked upon without a map or even a desire of specific destination. Much of the greatest productive thinking is the offspring of haphazard information gathering.

I wonder if we have learned to appreciate the Internet as a great medium for the creative wordsmith. I’ve heard countless people categorize the Internet as a wasteful repository of unfounded thought. That same notion strikes me as an uncentered sense of intellectual awareness.

Whatever the case is, I know a few things about myself and how I learn. It’s much less like a linear division and organization of logic and more like an ebb and flow.

I learn less when I am instructed to tell my mind that it has to be interested.

I learn less when I have to force my brain to connect a concept that someone else’s learning determined is properly related.

I learn less when I control my natural God-given instincts and inspirations.

It’s funny that we deify the marvels of science and nature, but refuse to yield with wonder to its tendencies. Our brains, spirits, and understanding work so closely together, they have little need to ask our permission to perform. Yet, we insist.

As I grow and progress, I find myself spending less time knowing what’s best for myself, and more time waiting. And with words, I listen to what they say. Sometimes I have conclusions, others more questions. Still others I find satisfaction in knowing that I will never close the book on their meaning and intent… they will always speak in an open ended conversation.

That, to me, is the power of words.

the sound of an American Summer…

Posted in Culture, Of no import by collinevan on April 10, 2008

I grew up in a neighborhood that left personality at the door. It seemed like an elite club of the non-fun.

I had a couple of “regular neighborhood” friends. I’d go visit them and see what life was really like for any other kid.

California summers are American. The grass and bike rides were so summer time. My favorite part was how the weather was absent. It was so perfect you couldn’t feel it. You were never hot, never cold, never out of beat with contentment.

I started to become so familiar with certain aspects of California summers that the tiniest things would define my memories. It was like a specific recipe made up of the same things every year. Fallen acorns on the grass, swimming until 9 p.m., rainbow jello, building rollerblade ramps out of wood so splintery and dangerous it would crumble, sneaking fireworks when they were illegal…

This life, the kind I’m explaining, has a feel. It’s memories are harshly impossible to reconstruct in someone else’s mind. It has a motion, sound, trust, want, air, aspiration, faith, and emotion.

How else do I put it? It has a sound… to me it sounds like this. Disregard the lyrics.. I don’t even know what they say. The sound is the feel of my American summers.

…could the internet be killed?

Posted in Business, News, Politics, Tech by collinevan on April 7, 2008

That’s what this article in the Times UK is claming. Apparently, some scientist from the very labs that helped develop the internet infrastructure are working on a new build called “The Grid”. Besides sounding like it came from the Matrix, what’s it all about?

Well this new “Grid” boasts a potential of download speeds 10,000x faster than what we get now. You can get your movies, games, music, information all so fast you won’t have time to sift it.

Can someone hack the code on the time/space continuum next?

There are going to be a few things to consider if we let technology progress this fast. I’m not saying we shouldn’t, but we’ll have a lot to deal with.

Controlling Piracy

As of right now, if you want to log on and download a movie or game, you’ll be on for awhile. It’s already overwhelming for companies to control acts of piracy. We all thought these things would mediate themselves over time, but as it turns out companies are still lamenting the fact that their media gets plastered all over the internet for the even “semi tech savvvy” to grab at will. What happens when you can download 10 of your favorite movies in HD quality in 5 seconds? Well, you’re on and off, and no one will notice.

I assume technology to improve tracking for this sort of thing could have the same rate of progression that’s being enjoyed now, but it doesn’t seem to.

Proliferation of Lewd Content

Pornography on the Internet is such a hands-off subject, it’s really a bit disgusting. We like to tell ourselves that it’s a “private matter” and that it’s all about “freedom of communication”. I won’t deny that there are issues like that intertwined into this sort of thing. But, let’s be real about this.

Nothing on the Internet is private. You can be tracked, watched, monitored, and observed every step of the way. The participation in pornography will go beyond your personal computer time. It rears it’s ugly head in marriages. Kids lose sight of the principles of discipline and morality. Pornography on the Internet causes more harm than good to families and relationships.

I love the prospect of max speed informational transfer, but I loathe the idea of opening the floodgates of pornography even more than they already can be.

The Good – A richer, more robust experience

In today’s tech world, we know that it’s useless to fight the existence of the internet. Nobody even wants to. is a great example of this. Large media companies are realizing that it’s best to join the internet as a major new form of entertainment and leverage it for business. We’re starting to get legal access to our favorite shows online, free downloads of our favorite music (thanks Radiohead), and so much crowd sourced information it’s becoming possible for virtually anybody from any country to learn and progress. Informational dispersion can be a great cultural equalizer.

This sort of new internet could give us power beyond the web page. Virtual 3D spaces may be turned from the gaming and social realm more efficiently to the professional realm. Imagine taking a virtual cooking class, where your meal is controlled online and the food responds to properties of real science. Imagine holographic communication and virtual presence only before realized in the fantasies of the elite science fiction nerd. Imagine cloud computing as a reality, where you no longer even have to download a program to use it. Could it be a mainstream future that becomes life?

What happens then? When a login and password are more important than your Social Security number… when your name is equally as attached to your face as it is to your avatar… when you game with hundreds of thousands of people in one single space without a hitch… what happens then? As much as these things are a reality to this day, it’s not nearly as constant as it will be with a faster, more powerful “internet”.

What will this all mean politically? What will it mean socially? What will it mean environmentally?

If this alleged death of the internet is to take place, we have a lot to consider and plan for. Most of our problems and outcomes may have no place in our minds yet. It’s altogether exciting and daunting. We’ll see what happens. For now, i’m just excited that I may one day log into something called “The Grid”

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WordPress is new…

Posted in Tech by collinevan on April 7, 2008

They did something to my wordpress, and I think I like it. Tight interface, clean look, nice controls, and an all around easier to use feel is just what it needed. Thanks wordpress, have a cookie.